


No Going Back

by jdale



Series: Elizabeth's Nightmares [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M, First Time, Nightmares, Post Episode: s03e07 Common Ground, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 15:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18096956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdale/pseuds/jdale
Summary: Elizabeth can't take it anymore.





	No Going Back

Years on the front lines had taught John Sheppard to be a light sleeper, so it was no surprise to him when the sound of the door to his quarters sliding open roused him from his slumber. Given the ordeal they had been put through earlier that day, it was equally unsurprising to see his leader, close friend, and confidante, Elizabeth Weir, standing in the doorway in her pajamas.

“Nightmares again?” he asked.

She nodded sadly, unable to meet his gaze. “Ugh, this is going to sound pathetic, but…can I…?”

“Sure,” John agreed, pulling back the covers and allowing her to crawl into bed beside him.

Elizabeth pulled him into an embrace. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” John whispered.

“John, I…I don’t want to diminish what happened to you, especially because I’ve never been fed on, but…” Elizabeth’s voice trailed off as she was overcome by emotion. “Whatever it feels like, I can’t imagine it being worse than what I felt having to watch you being fed on and knowing that I could have stopped it and didn’t.”

“You did the right thing, Lizbeth,” John told her. “What Kolya did to me isn’t your fault. Even if you had given in, we don’t know whether the bastard would have held up his end of the bargain. I certainly wouldn’t put it past him to renege on the deal just to spite us. How would you feel then, if you had turned over Ladon and still not gotten me back?”

Elizabeth tapped her forehead with one finger. “I know that up here, John, but…” she moved her finger to point to her chest, “I can’t convince myself of it in here.”

John tightened his arms around her. “It’s alright, Lizbeth. It’s been a rough week. We’ll get through this.”

Elizabeth looked up at him tentatively. “Together?”

John nodded. “Together.”

They lay in silence for several minutes, each drawing strength from the other’s presence. Eventually Elizabeth spoke.

“John, I…I can’t keep this to myself anymore. Not after we’ve almost lost each other twice this week,” she confessed. “John, I love you. I want us to have a life together, here, on Atlantis.”

John was at the same time elated and worried. Elated because Elizabeth returned his feelings and wanted to pursue a relationship, but worried because even in her moments of vulnerability, Elizabeth was always the level-headed one, and it seemed quite unlike her to suggest something like this when she knew it would never fly with Earth.

“I love you, too, but…Elizabeth, we can’t. The IOA will—”

“Fuck the IOA,” Elizabeth growled venomously. “Teyla’s right. Life’s too short to let stupid stuff like that keep true love apart. The IOA doesn’t know what it’s like out here. To them, we’re just names on a sheet of paper. They can’t understand what it’s like for you to walk through that gate knowing every mission could be your last. _They can’t understand_ what it’s like for me to watch you walk through that gate knowing I may never see you again. _They can’t understand_ what it’s like to be trapped in your own mind by microscopic robots trying to convince you the last _two and a half years of your life_ were nothing but the _delusions_ of a _madwoman_!”

Elizabeth’s whole body was vibrating with tension as she struggled to control the beast that threatened to burst out from inside her. Her chest heaved in and out as tears welled up in her eyes. “They will _never_ be able to understand having to choose between doing your duty and saving the man you love more than _anything_ in the universe from a _slow, painful death_.”

The raw emotion evident in Elizabeth’s display nearly moved John to tears of his own, and he was unable to keep it out of his voice when he finally responded, “Elizabeth, once we take this step, there’s no going back. Not with the IOA, and not between us. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”

“More than I’ve ever been of anything in my life,” Elizabeth told him.

“Then let’s do this,” John declared. “I’ll _make_ them understand if I have to.”

Elizabeth grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down to her, her lips quickly closing the distance, kissing him desperately. John returned the kiss with equal fervor, one hand sliding up her back and entangling itself in her hair as he slipped his tongue inside her mouth. She pulled him closer as the kiss deepened, slowly raking her fingernails down his back.

“Oh, Lizbeth,” John breathed when the burning in their lungs finally forced them to break the kiss.

“I need you, John,” she said in a throaty voice, her eyes dark with desire. “ _Now_.”

Conscious thought left him as Elizabeth’s lips crashed against his once more.


End file.
